Monday, November 9, 2009

Detective Barney

It has come to my attention that there are very few places a dog can go to learn about humans...

For example:

Where can you read how best to train them to share their bologna sandwich with you?

What is the best way to make them understand that when you stand next to the refrigerator it is because you want them to open the door?
And, what will it take to get them to leave the bacon unwrapped on the bottom shelf?

How about this - if I throw the ball, I'll be happy to retrieve it.
But if you throw it, I think you should be the one to go get it!

Who do you call at the Peter Pan organization to discuss dog-friendly peanut butter lids? This would be a valuable way to spend future research monies.

These are just a few of my burning questions. I wish I could tell you I have the answers; I don't. But rest assured; I am working tirelessly to understand.

In the meantime, I thought I would share what I have learned thus far. If you too are living with a human, this could be indispensable information!

Sometimes at night I just lay awake and watch them sleep.

While remaining in this highly alert status, I have gleaned a great deal of information:

When conducting research, it is critical to appear to be asleep.
Some things I have learned:

* My mom snores when she is exceptionally tired or has been hittin' the sauce. Oddly, she is very defensive when I bring this up, and claims it is my dad... Oh, don't get me wrong - he does his own share of "heavy breathing"...

* My dad drools on his pillow. Yet - he doesn't want me laying on it? That simply makes no sense!

* I've observed that both my mom and dad moan and groan like a couple of 90 year olds when they get up out of a chair. So, when I am in a very comfortable position, and they want me to move, I have developed the ability to groan as if I am in great pain.

The first few times, I pulled it off, they really thought I was in pain! Now they are on to me - they make me move anyway. Well, it was nice while it lasted. I still give the the evil eye, but it too is fairly ineffective.

* If I burp, I do it loudly. Then I simply sit back and amuse myself as I watch my mom try to blame it on my dad, unwilling to believe that such a noise could (and did), come out of me!

I know it is just a start, but the subject matter is strange and confusing. Obviously, I need to do much more research.

So, there's no time to waste - I must get back to work!



Les said...


kaisaj said...

Um, does Steve know you are disclosing secrets about his drooling habits?

Arlene said...

Good luck Sherlock. I'm sure many of your kind want answers and want them now.

(Why is is that when I look at that last picture I want to clang two pot lids together.) :-)

louara said...

Stay on the case Barney, we are all counting on you!

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