Monday, July 27, 2009

Dear Friends

It is unfortunate that I must write to tell you of a grave situation - the addition of TWO new budgies to the Fort system! I know - this is probably the first you are hearing of it, so you must be understandably shocked. I sure was!

Where do these birds come from, and how can they be stopped?!

Well, I hardly know what to say *sigh*. The birds get new toys and oodles of attention; I've been getting ear drops and coal tar baths for my 'excema'. How is that fair? Thank goodness the skin condition has not affected my beautiful, pearly white belly!

Oh, I must tell you - there is a small bit of good news! I have a new girlfriend named Jelly. Maggie May is going to be a bit disappointed to hear this, but she lives in Joi'sey, and Jelly lives right down the road. Hello!!

I've never much been one for long distance relationships anyway. Maggie May is barely allowed to go outside the back door unsupervised. In fact, when she does go out the back door, it is usually inside her mom's purse. So she probably won't be visiting anytime soon. And she never instant messages me. (I'm starting to wonder if she can type?)

Well, Ms. Jelly is quite the looker... She is a bit taller than me though (aren't they all). If she stands still, I can probably walk under her without touching her belly. But I think she may like shorter men. So far, we are just friends. Sadly, I think that is all she wants. But - it is better than nothing, right? We talk to each other across the fence.

It is her mom that gave us the vegetables recently. I think I may need to start liking vegetables so I can help eat them. Then we can go back to Jelly's house to beg for more!

(I got the brilliant idea about eating the vegetables the other night when I was laying on the couch with my head lower than my....) I get some great thoughts in this position. The blood rushing to my head...

The only problem being it can make me a little dizzy. To get me to come around, instead of using smelling salts, they pull out a snau'sage. Works every time.

I almost forgot - I was complaining about the two new chatter boxes, wasn't I? They are not as bad as the green monster. She's downright scary. I'll never forget the day that she backed me into a corner; that's all I can say. The trauma of the incident was so great, that I've never been able to speak of it publicly. It might be why I developed a skin problem! (Can that happen?)

She never laid a beak on me - but - she had a look in her eye crazier than a chow-chow at a meat market.

Oh, wait - I just had another brilliant idea (and I'm right-side up at the moment)!

I am going to approach these new budgies, and see if they (and Strider of course) want to finally form an alliance and vote Coco out of the Fort!

Now, my life has meaning again!



scotty said...

Why Barney how could you? all I can say is your just as bad as other DOGS I have met. I can too go on the computer, and my Mom doesn't carry me in her purse! besides I met a Dane that just moved on the block,the only problem is his height.I still love you Barn,,,you CAD!!!!!

Julea said... glad life has meaning for you again Barney!:) Think of it as a game of have a great plan in place already..get those Budgies on your side!:P If you play your snausages just may be able to have Fort Coco all to yourself..mawwwhaaahaa..

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