Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Quick - I Need a New Home !

Ok, this time I mean it.... these people are driving me batty! (Oh, wait - bats fly, so I'm going to have to think of an expression that does not involve a winged animal!)

So, I think I will need to start looking for a new home!

I have one in mind... it is where my girlfriend lives up in a place called 'Joi-sey'.

Her real name is Maggie May, but my pet name for her is 'May May'. Ooh-lah-lah... but you will be reading more about her in a few days, so I don't want to give anything away... I cannot help myself - she's a real babe! You just wait till you see her! (She is one of the few gals I've met who had shorter legs than me!)

So, meanwhile, my mom is working hard on a post (that you will hopefully be reading tomorrow) about biting. Yes, bird biting... biting behavior... birds, birds, birds... what else? Does this come as a surprise? Ok class, altogether now, "It's About The Birds"! Geesh - if I had a driver's license I'd go buy some green paint and fake wings!

Had she not been so entrenched in writing about "biting behavior" she might have been able to save me from the horror of my dad, who suddenly decided to perfect his Atilla The Hun impression today!

So, let me start by saying right up front, and for the official record: my ears are just fine.

I could hear him coming with a hand full of torture items (two different kinds of ear drops) could I not?

As you might imagine, they (my ears) are quite sensitive. That comes from the basset hound side of my family.

I do not recall this event, but it would seem that a tick crawled down into my ear and made a home.
Or, so they say (as an excuse for today's torture session).

Apparently, it was a religious tick, and one who took the "be fruitful and multiply" Biblical stuff seriously.
The next thing you know, while pork ribs are simmering in the crock pot , and I've got the equivalent of a doggie-headache, he cornered me on the deck... a bottle of torture in each hand.

Have you too had the experience of hearing, "this is for your own good, pal"? Hah! For my own good?

I repeat: I can hear just fine!

What is this unhealthy obsession with my ears? People, please!

Let me just ask one question:

Would you treat me like this if I were a rottweiler?
I think not!

Unfortunately, with the length of my legs, even if I try to run away I can't get far!

Tonight however, for the first time, I considered making a run for it...

Off the deck and straight into the back of the pickup truck (with the rubber padding).

I looked over the edge...

I looked at those two bottles of ear drops...

I then looked over the edge again....

One problem...

It all happened so fast, that I didn't have time to line up a get-a-way driver! And, once in the bed of that pickup truck, I would have needed help getting back out (or at least have someone put the gate down).

I quickly decided my plan needed a bit more perfecting (sort of like mom's post about biting behavior).

It is just that I am at such a disadvantage... obviously, my command of the English language is superb, my typing skills unlike any other canine - simply amazing.

Just one problem: My reading skills are not quite up to sniff.
I was caught off guard at first. I really thought those bottles had something good in them, like a new rawhide or some snau'sages... until... it was too late to escape!

Who is it that said, 'reading is fundamental'?

So while you are all anxiously awaiting a post about biting behavior, how about sending me your get-a-way driver resumes! I overheard them say that this 'ear drop thing' is going to happen every two days! EEK!



Eriisu-chan said...

Oh, you poor, POOR soul! How dare your own DAD treat you that way! *gasp*

If you a place to stay, I will gladly offer my little Canadian home! ♥

Marianne said...

Poor Barney. Who knew his people could be so mean?

wolfgirl1987 said...

Barney, expect my resume in your mailbox by morning :)

scotty said...

oooh Barn my Dear, come to me,will travel Joisey and be free as the wind.. uh...nope thats not gonna work, mom doesn't let me out!but you could live with us {HUGS}
we got ticks too,but I never saw one, coz I don't go out. Are they ugly?? oh sorry but we got those pain in the but birdies too.They never shut their beaks luv ya

scotty said...

spelled butt wrong

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