Sunday, April 19, 2009

Welcome to My World...

I've got to admit.... it was not one of my better days. The last time I had a day this bad was shortly after I arrived; I was taken to get all my shots. My back end was soooo sore! But keeping it elevated gave me some much needed relief.

It was beautiful outside today... nearly 70 degrees with a light northwestern wind. The sun was shining all day!

Not that I'm trying to get sympathy or anything.... but I was indoors most of the day. My dad was doing yard work. He uses a couple of different machines that make a lot of noise, and if you ask me, they are simply potential doggie eaters.

My distaste of noisy objects harkens back to the day when my dad ran the hand held sweeper brush over me to 'pick up loose hair'... before that stunt, I thought the guy was a pretty cool dude!

But, back to the yard... wouldn't it be quicker and easier to buy a couple goats? Naturally, they would live outside (I'm not giving up my bed space, after all!).

So I stayed indoors - safe from all doggie eating machines, and took about a five hour nap. Unfortunately, being indoors means adhering to certain rules of decorum... ho-hum...

As you know from my previous blog entry, I am not allowed to drool over The Green Monster. Ok, I get that.... I don't see the big deal, but I accept it.

However, that's only the beginning:

There is no licking of mom's face allowed (or her clothing), even IF she has just finished frying bacon. (Now tell me, how can this make sense?)

No eating anything green (this includes, but is not limited, to The Green Monster, grass or any of the birds' vegetables).

If something falls on the floor, a thing called a '3 second rule' kicks in. This means if it is there less than 3 seconds, it is still safe for humans to eat. Yet, if it is there for more than 3 seconds, it is thrown away; it does not become mine. Is this not wasting food?

So, you agree with me, I can tell! Despite all the starving dogs around the world, f
ood is being wasted! (The next time I see the house mouse, I am going to strike a deal where he eats through the plastic garbage can, and we split the spoils.) Now, there's a plan!

Once a week, I am marched down to the family bathtub for a ritual of torture and perfuming. (I jump in on my own; what choice do I have? These people insist...) This would be bizarre if it were not so humiliating; afterward I spend 30 minutes licking myself dry and re-scenting myself. Any idea what the neighbor girls would think if I walked by smelling like a Cover Girl model? Yes, thank you - I see you understand my point.

Hey - the birds love baths, can't they take mine?

(This is actually my own rule for self-preservation): If one is 'hoovering' for food in the bird room, take caution not to do so directly beneath The Green Monster. I don't care what anyone says - she poops at will... I can prove it!

One of these days, when she's walking around on the ground, I'm going to make my way up that ladder of hers, and.... well, that plan won't work... the ladder rungs are a bit small.

But it does occur to me - it is a good thing that elephants don't fly, huh!

And what happens if you are beneath a flock of macaws flying around in the jungle? Look out below!!!

And another thing... don't think it has slipped past me that I do not have my own blog. This blog is about birds, and only occasionally I get a word or two in edgewise.

I can wag my tail.. can she?
(Oh, wait a minute... she can.)

But, can she 'shake'?
(Oh, wait a minute, she can.)

Well, I can honestly say that although she yawns, I've never heard her burp - and I can!

(My mom won't put up that sound clip.)

I, unlike the parrot, am not always cage free. Occasionally, I go into this thing called a crate. Does this seem right? (Well, actually, my mom made me an afghan for it, so that helps - one for the crate, and one for my couch! It makes a great pillow!) Is it time for my belly rub yet?

At least one thing is still sacred - My Bone!!!



Arlene said...

This was such a cute story.
Ever consider writing childrens' books?
I can imagine a parent reading this to their kids.
You write from the viewpoint of the animal.
Great as always.

wolfgirl1987 said...

Good to hear from the cute little dog again. Don't worry, hun. I'm on your side ;)

Robin said...

Arlene - you are way too kind! Barney appreciates the support from both of you - in fact, he was whining again the other day about not having a blog devoted exclusively to him! :D

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