Tuesday, April 7, 2009

All the World is Green!

Hi - my name is Barney! I am a mix of staffordshire bull terrier and basset hound. I know...that might sound a little strange at first - but look how cute I am! I have the head of a staffie on the body of a basset hound! Although I am 3, many think I am still a puppy because of my short legs!

So my purpose for chiming in on this discussion? That would be to express my feelings about the The Green Monster of course!

The two smaller birds seem likable enough, they keep to themselves, and do not look upon me with disdain and contempt. But
The Green Monster... that's a different story! She acts like she owns the place! (Memo to the Green Monster: You may own the joint, but I own the bed!)

The way I see it, The Green Monster gets way too much attention. How healthy can that be?

In the evening, she sits on the kitchen counter while mom makes up vegetable bowls. What is that about? All she does is sit there, watch, and take an occasional bite; it is not like she cuts up food. I am never offered any of this food, and I find it coincidental that most of it is... you guessed it: GREEN!

I wonder - if she stopped eating all those green vegetables, would her belly turn white like mine?

The real problem is timing: this fixation on vegetable preparation happens during my dinner hour. There I am, trying to wolf down my food, all the while keeping one eye on her! She ha
s never tried to take my food, but when you only get fed once a day, it is a good policy to keep your eyes on your kibbles!

But, I digress... I must admit that my relationship with The Green Monster had a bit of a rocky start. It began one day when these people found me at the end of their driveway, near the road, sleeping next to a mud puddle. I was exhausted, full of ticks and worms, and had been abandoned. I followed them to their house, and as they did not have any dog food on hand, they gave me some lunch meat. That was the moment I knew I had picked the right mud puddle! (Meanwhile, that was the last piece of lunch meat I ever saw...)

Everything seemed to be going fairly smooth until I came into contact with The Green Monster for the first time. I had never seen anything like that... quite frankly, I found her intriguingly terrifying. I think she may have been put off by my initial reaction of drooling. I was mesmerized by her shiny feathers and my eyes followed her every move.

When I learned t
hat drooling was discouraged in the house, I was very sad. But I perked up when I discovered a fabulous factoid about this funny animal: she is terribly clumsy and easily distracted, both of which cause her to drop food! Jackpot! I did such a good job of cleaning up after her that I earned the nickname 'Hoover'!

I had never eaten bird pellets before, but discovered they have a nice, nutty flavor!
And anything beats the cardboard treat biscuits these people feed me. (I don't know why I get all excited and jump around when they take a biscuit out of the jar... habit, I guess....)

I thought things were going well enough. That is, until one day she flew over and backed me up against the wall. I didn't see that coming! (I thought this might be a great time to apologize, though, for that drooling incident earlier in our relationship, and my comments about her walking pigeon-toed)... she continued to stare at me with those cold, orange eyes...

I mustered up my best 'rottweiler impression', but she did not budge. I couldn't get out of that room fast enough! Now I understand why my dad calls her a "Parror-ist"!

So where is o
ur relationship now? She still sits on the counter every day for "veggie time", and I still get excited at the sight of a cardboard dog biscuit....

What is my plan? I will be meeting with the cockatiel and budgie to discuss forming an alliance. Then at the next Tribal Council, we can vote The Green Monster OUT!



wolfgirl1987 said...


Robin said...

Barney says, 'thank ya very much, Wolfgirl'! :D

Bug said...

haha.. that was a good one... Barney sure is a tough little guy to have not backed down when cornered... silly Coco.. teasing the new dog.. how diva like indeed hehe...

Anonymous said...

I so adore this dog. The APBT and AST are two of my Favorite breeds.
Adding one with a basset and coming up with this adorable little dog may have been a mix up when it happened but the results are absolutly adorable :0)
What a sweet little guy

Anonymous said...

Let us know how it goes, Barney. I might even give you a banana muffin.

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